Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Damn victory sex feels great
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
