the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
