how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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