I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
