In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
