I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
