So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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