The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
