drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
