did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
