Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
