Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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