You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
