It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I'm really busy with my period
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