I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
