Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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