Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
