i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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