and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
