so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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