I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
