I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
