so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
