I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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