Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
