so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
