Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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