girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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