You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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