don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
