dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
