I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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