in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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