My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
