She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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