Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
