youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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