I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Semen is not good for contacts.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
