sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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