Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
