i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
