no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
