Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
