I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
