How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
