i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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