I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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