She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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