When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
