god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
