Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
