I wish I could teleport
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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