nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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