Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
