Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
