Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You are the jesus of drinking
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
