haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
