Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
When are your genitals available?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
