One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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