I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
