I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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