4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
