I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just high enough for therapy.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
